my journey through the loss of my first son and the life of my second

Tuesday, February 9, 2010

Soul Mates

I was 25 the first time I feel in love. I know I know I was a late bloomer. I didn't have a high school sweet heart. I didn't have any real realtionships before Ken. I had boys that I dated. I had boys I made out with. I had crazy childhood crushes. But, I had never truly feel in love. Let's face it I'm fat. Okay, you can put it in different words...plump, fluffy, elastic, vulumptious, full-figured, ever you phrase it I'm overweight...and okay with it. This is not about my weight....except that... My dad once told me that I would never find a boyfriend if I didn't lose weight. He said boys only wanted to date girls that they could show off to their friends. I held onto that. It was always ALWAYS in my head. So, I never let anyone in. Again I say there were boys I dated. Boys I made out with and of course crazy crushes. There was Josh from youth group who I followed around like a puppy dog. There was Brandon who sat infront of me in ninth grade homeroom. I was crazy about him. He was one of the grunge kids (this was 1994) so, I think I was attracted to him because it was the "wrong" thing. There was Joel who I marched next to. I would dial his phone and hang up (this was before caller ID and cell phones) just to hear his voice. There was Matt whom my mom was sure was "the one." There are many more boys that I had huge crushes on and back then would have even said I was madly in love with. There were years of searching for Mr. Right. There were countless nights of crying myself to sleep afraid I would die alone. I would picture my perfect wedding but could not picture who would stand at the end of the aisle waiting for me. I wanted one of those crushes to be "it." But, Ken is my only true love. I don't regret that fact. I don't feel sad about it. I feel like the luckiest girl in the world to have found it. Ken completes me. Ken is my lobster. Ken is my soul mate. Ken is my better half. I believe God created Ken with me in mind. I believe God created me knowing that I would one day marry Ken. I know I know it sounds like a Halmark card. But, the truth is I love him with everything that is within me. I love him from the depths of my being. And, do you want to know the craziest thing of all??? He loves me back. He loves me for me. He doesn't care that I'm fluffy. He introduces me to his friends with pride. My dad told me once that he could tell Ken was the one for me because my eyes twinkled when I talked about him. I think they still do. I love him and I will always love him. Ken was the first man I gave my trust to. He was the first man I made love to. He was and is the first person I let down my guard with. I trust him with all that I am. So, what is my point in all of this? What about Trent? What about the girl he was made for. Will she spend her life seraching for him? Will she spend her life crying for a true love she will never know? Will she marry Mr. Wrong because Mr. Right is in heaven? Or, maybe she is already there. Maybe they already get to spend eternity together. Maybe.


Terra said...

What an inspiring story! I can totally relate. My life is very similar! But I'll have to email you sometime. Some of the details are private :)

Amos said...

Great blog! I think Trent's Ms. Right (b/k/a his Lobster) is in heaven with him already and they are having a ball! :o)

Trisha said...

I hope so. I hope she doesn't spend her life looking and never find it. It is a silly worry I's just that his life was so short and can't help but to think "what if"

Anonymous said...

I love that you're so in love with your husband! And I agree, I think that Trent is already with his Ms. Right in heaven. My only regret is that you and her mother can't meet and comfort each other in this difficult time... But I KNOW he's happy--who wouldn't be happy in heaven? :o)

andrea said...

This is so sweet! It made me teary. I am so happy you found true love. When I met him I could see how you two looked at each other with so much love. I hope to find that some day myself.

Anonymous said...

From Alyssa

Trisha I so admire you for sharing your story. I knew you in HS and always thought you were beautiful..You and your family wre always very good to me. It brings tears to my eyes reading about how you felt about not letting anyone in. I am the same way in a sense.. I dont think I have found my soulmate.. Yes I have Jorge but I dont feel the way I think you should feel when you find a soulmate. I actually believe my best buddy is my soulmate and I waited to long to tell him well like 4yrs.. by then he was in a relationship and it turned out he felt the same way but didnt know how to tell me since we were like best friends.. We talk all the time but both of us have been in the same relationship for so long it is just normal.. we both say if we are 40 and not married we will get I am soo happy for you and Ken.. You so deserve a great man who spoils you and loves you for YOU!!! Alyssa

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