my journey through the loss of my first son and the life of my second

Monday, March 1, 2010

another Tuesday ahead.

Here I sit...another Tuesday looming in front of me. Tomorrow is eight weeks. Eight weeks. Eight whole weeks. Last night I was laying in bed wondering what it would be like to be 30 weeks pregnant tomorrow instead of eight weeks away from his birthday/deathday. I don't know.

I am the Executive Director of a soup kitchen here in Midland, Texas. This last Saturday we had a big "spring" cleaning day with a local church. The day was very diffucult for me. We had scheduled the day in February (which is not very spring like) because I was going to be big and pregnant in March or April...the time spring cleaning should have been. When someone mentioned that we were spring cleaning in 40 degree weather I just blurted out, "well, I was supposed to be pregnant but, my son died." There were three people standing around me and they just kind of looked at me like, "How could she just blurt it out like that." But, it gave me the oppurtunity to share his little story. Two woman cried with me. It is touching to have strangers cry over your loss. It is also hard to realize how real it is. One of the ladies said to me, "Be prepared for people to be shocked when you tell them. It isn't supposed to happen like this." Those words so true, so powerful. It isn't supposed to happen like this. But, it does. I am proof that it does. I feel like I joined this new club. The membership fee is the price of your child's life. But, once in the club you are forever a member. You are forever diffrent. You are forever changed by your loss. There are hundreds of thousands of members...but, most never mention the loss. I want people to know that I have a son. I just don't carry him around with me in the physical.

Death is a part of life. I know that. I just wish I could have had a little more of his life before his death came on.

Please pray for my continued healing. Also, I want the whole world (or at least those that read this) to be praying that we get pregnant again SOON!! It took four years to get pregnant with Trent. I don't think I can wait that long again.

Thanks. Much love.

2 comments:

Amanda Glanzer said...

I continue to pray for Ken's and your healing and DEFINITELY praying for you to preggers again and soon!!

Terra said...

Crying with you and always praying for you!!!!!

Lord Jesus we ask through your mighty healing blood for comfort in this time of mourning. And we also ask that you bless Trisha's body and give them the gift of life!

Amen!

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