my journey through the loss of my first son and the life of my second

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

1 in 8

1 in 8 couples suffer from infertility...1 in 8!! That is a lot of freaking people. That is a lot of dreaming for little feet to grace their lives. It is a lot of broken hearts when AF shows up each month. It is a lot of money being paid to RE's. It is too many people!!!

We are still in the national infertility awareness week and most of the blogs I read are written by BLM's (baby loss mommas) or infertile women. I thought I would take this little info below that two of my blogging friends shared and share my opinion today.

Just to recap: I was diagnosed with PCOS at 18. Ken and I started TTC in 2005. We had fertility treatments and acupuncture. We were unsuccessful and told I would never carry a child. We started the lond, hard road to adopt. We found out I was pregnant with Trent in September of 2009...with NO drugs!!! We lost Trent in January 2010 due to my incompetent cervix. And, as far as I know IC and infertility have NOTHING to do with each other...I am just so lucky to have both problems. So, the subject of infertility is dear to my heart. I have cried many many tears over negative pregnancy tests...and of course even more over my one positive!

Myth: Infertility is a women's problem.
Fact: This is untrue. It surprises most people to learn that infertility is a female problem in 35% of the cases, a male problem in 35% of the cases, a combined problem of the couple in 20% of cases, and unexplained in 10% of cases. It is essential that both the man and the woman be evaluated during an infertility work-up.
trisha: I did know that this is the case...only because Ken and I had both been through all the testing. Ken was fine. I did have a wonderful lady that I knew back in my camp counselor days whose husband had the issue with fertility...and they have since adopted 4 beautiful kids

Myth: Everyone seems to get pregnant at the drop of a hat.
Fact: More than five million people of childbearing age in the United States experience infertility. When you seek support, you will find that you are not alone. Join RESOLVE, a support group, or talk with others who are struggling to build a family, so that you won't feel isolated.
trisha: IT SURE FEELS LIKE THAT...well, for everyone other than me. In those four years that we were trying so hard every where I looked someone I knew was getting knocked up. It is so hard when you are in the throws of treatment to have all these women getting pregnant around you!!

Myth: It's all in your head! Why don't you relax or take a vacation. Then you'll get pregnant!
Fact: Infertility is a disease or condition of the reproductive system. While relaxing may help you with your overall quality of life, the stress and deep emotions you feel are the result of infertility, not the cause of it. Improved medical techniques have made it easier to diagnose infertility problems.
trisha: seriously if I had a $1 for every time someone said this to me!!!!! I hated HATED hearing this. I wanted to scream at the top of my lungs, "I HAVE A DISEASE THAT MAKES IT HARD FOR ME!!!! IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH MY VACATIONING!!!!!"

Myth: Don't worry so much -- it just takes time. You'll get pregnant if you're just patient.
Fact: Infertility is a medical problem that may be treated. At least 50% of those who complete an infertility evaluation will respond to treatment with a successful pregnancy. Some infertility problems respond with higher or lower success rates. Those who do not seek help have a "spontaneous cure rate" of about 5% after a year of infertility.
trisha: I guess you can call Ken and I the 5% spontaneous cure rate! I really hope we are that lucky again...but, I am afraid that we will need treatment this time.

Myth: If you adopt a baby you'll get pregnant!
Fact: This is one of the most painful myths for couples to hear. First it suggests that adoption is only a means to an end, not an happy and successful end in itself. Second, it is simply not true. Studies reveal that the rate for achieving pregnancy after adopting is the same as for those who do not adopt.
trisha: you see from my above story we were on the road to adoption and I did get, who knows if had anything to do with it...but, when people used to say this to me I wanted to SLAP them!!

Myth: Why don't you just forget it and adopt? After all, there are so many babies out there who need homes!
Fact: For many, adoption is a happy resolution to infertility. However, most people explore medical treatment for infertility prior to considering adoption. In addition, traditional adoption options have changed, and adoption can be more costly and time-consuming than expected. It is, however, still possible to adopt the healthy baby of your dreams. There are also many older children and children with special needs available for adoption.
trisha: now, I am still open for adoption...however I want MY baby. I want the child to have Ken and my's DNA. I want the baby to have Ken's dimples and my blond hair. I want my dream. And, hello it is crazy expensive!!

Myth: Maybe you two are doing something wrong!
Fact: Infertility is a medical condition, not a sexual disorder.
trisha: no, I'm pretty sure I know how to do "it" got it thanks...did you want to gie me a lesson?? cause ken might get mad ;)

Myth: My partner might leave me because of our infertility.
Fact: The majority of couples do survive the infertility crisis, learning in the process new ways of relating to each other, which deepens their relationship in years to follow.

trisha: Ken is an amazing man. I told him on our second, yes SECOND, date about my PCOS and the fear that I might never get pregnant. So, it was not a shock when we started trying and didn't conceive right away. I know that the hormone crazed bitch that became his wife for a while scared him away...but he did stay and I know he will continue to!

Myth: Perhaps this is God's way of telling you that you two aren't meant to be parents!
Fact: It is particularly difficult to hear this when you are struggling with infertility. You know what loving parents you would be, and it is painful to have to explain to others that you have a medical problem.

trisha: seriously?! screw you...oh and your amazing child just stuck his finger in that light socket...oh wait that is not what I meant to say...I am pretty sure that is not the God I serve.

Myth: Infertility is nature's way of controlling population.
Fact: Zero population growth is a goal pursued in a time of world overpopulation, but it still allows for couples to replace themselves with two children. Individuals or couples can certainly elect the option to be child free or to raise a single child. Infertility, for those who desire children, denies them the opportunity to choose.

trisha: I did have someone say this to me years ago...I was more than a little devastated...and wanted to say...too bad your mom wasn't infertile.

Myth: I shouldn't take a month off from infertility treatment for any reason... I just know that this next month will be THE one!
Fact: It is important periodically to reassess your treatment and your parenting goal. Continuity in treatment is important, but sometimes a break can provide needed rest and renewal for the next steps.
trisha: the biggest thing for ken and I is that sex wasn't fun anymore. It was all about doing it at the right time and making a baby. So, in the months after we stopped treatment we actually started to enjoy each other and sex wasn't a chore anymore.

Myth: I'll be labeled a 'trouble maker' if I ask too many questions.
Fact: The physician/patient team is important. You need to be informed about what treatments are available. What is right for one couple may not be right for another, either physically, financially, or emotionally. Don't be afraid to ask questions of your doctor.
A second opinion can be helpful. If needed, discuss this option with your physician.
trisha: what ever I am a question QUEEN!!! and even after the doctor has answered the questions I research on the internet too!!

Myth: I know I'll never be able to stop treatment until I have a pregnancy.
Fact: Pregnancy is not the only pathway to parenthood. You may begin to think more about parenthood than about pregnancy. You may long for your life to get back to normal. You may consider child free living or begin to think of other ways to build a family.
trisha: again see answer above.

Myth: I've lost interest in my job, hobbies, and my friends because of infertility. No one understands! My life will never be the same!
Fact: Infertility is a life crisis -- it has a rippling effect on all areas of your life. It is normal to feel a sense of failure that can affect your self-esteem and self-image. You will move through this crisis. It is a process, and it may mean letting go of initial dreams. Throughout this process, stay informed about the wide range of options and connect with others facing similar experiences.
trisha: no one understands...until you meet others like you...which is why I love blogging and the blogging community so much!!


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