my journey through the loss of my first son and the life of my second

Sunday, April 4, 2010


Today is the first holiday without him. But, I really didn't have a hard time could be the prozac or it could be that he wasn't supposed to be here by Easter anyway. I keep thinking that Mother's Day will be really hard! His due date was May 15th...I think I will have a hard week then.

I didn't sleep last night...this is not a new development...however, last night I tossed and turned so much more than normal. I was praying and pleading with God to give me another baby RIGHT NOW. I want to be pregnant again NOW. But, as it approached 5am and I still had not slept I finally felt a peace. Trent was in God's timing and the next one will be too. Right after the baby was born I was so scared that I would not be able to get pregnant again. But, we did it once why not again? I will wait on Him. I will try to wait patiently.

Easter is the most important day of all for Christians! It is the day we celebrate the cross. God sent His only Son and that Son died for YOU and me!! What an amazing thing. This morning during church I did start to think how much more exciting this Easter would be if he was still in there kicking me and sitting on my bladder. But, he isn't. He is already complete and with our Father. Today Easter meant more to me than ever before. Easter today meant that my son is already in heaven. Today Easter was more tangible for me. Because He hung on that cross my son will have eternal life. Because Jesus suffered for me I will see my son again. Because God sent His one and only Son my son and I will live eternally together. Trent is up there waiting on his mommy...and that is ONLY because of the cross! So, today Easter is so much more son gets to spend eternity at the feet of our Saviour...and one day I will see him again.

Thank You for the cross!!!


klarsen said...

His timing will be perfect for us all. I found Easter to be so much more meaningful as well and the promise that it means. Big hugs to you. xxx

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