my journey through the loss of my first son and the life of my second

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

fertile???

So, this week is national infertility awareness week. I keep trying to tell myself that I'm not infertile. Yes, I tried to get pregnant for four years. Yes, doctors told me I would never carry a child of my own. Yes, I lost my first baby due to an incompetent cervix. But, I DID get pregnant...on my own with no drugs. We did the drugs and all and nothing happened and then all of a sudden I was pregnant all on my own. I have gone back to the RE to try again...but, I just want it to happen by itself again. I hate those drugs and injections and all the side effects!!! I am trying to lose 50 lbs before I get pregnant again. The RE said lose 30 before she would start the meds and I have lost 18.5...but, I am going to wait until I hit 50 for her to call in the meds. So, yes it is national infertility week...but, is it bad of me to dream of calling my self fertile??? I mean does getting pregnant on your own after 4 years make you fertile? I don't know...I just wish none of us battled this. I wish it was as easy as taking a vacation or not thinking about it or being patient...all those things people say to you in hopes of easing your pain with each month that passes with out a positive test. But, for many of us it is not that easy. And, then for even more of us we are unlucky enough to be infertile and to have an incompetent cervix...seems like a really bad joke doesn't it???

1 comments:

myinfertilitywoes said...

Congrats on the weight loss so far! That's a huge accomplishment!!

I'm sorry this all seems like a bad joke. We're here for you!! (((hugs)))

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