my journey through the loss of my first son and the life of my second

Saturday, April 17, 2010

one more day...

I was driving today and heard this song...I have heard it a hundred times before...but, today it meant something so much more to me.

Last Night I had a crazy dream
Wish was granted just for me,
It could be for anything
I didn't ask for money, or a mansion in Malibu
I simply wished for one more day with you

One more day, One more time
One more sunset maybe I'd be satisfied
But then again; I know what it would do
Leave me wishing still, for one more day with you

[Oh one more day]

First thing I'd do is pray for time to crawl
I'd unplug the telephone, and keep the TV off
I'd hold you every second, say a million I Love You's
Thats what I'd do, with one more day with you

One more day, One more time
One more sunset maybe I'd be satisfied
But then again; I know what it would do
Leave me wishing still, for one more day with you

One more day, One more time
One more sunset maybe I'd be satisfied
But then again; I know what it would do
Leave me wishing still, for one more day....

I know this was probably written about romantic love...but, it had me in tears and thinking what I would give for one more day with my son. One day to hold him again. One more day to tell him I love him. One more day to kiss his sweet little face. One more day to feel him kick me. One more day to... I would even settle for just a few more minutes. But, it is over...forever.

I think that is what has gotten to me the most lately...it is over. OVER. There is no restart, there is no going back, there is no do-over. It is over. I had him for such a short time. I wanted him for a life time. He was created by God and set apart. There will never be another Trent. There will never be another person that would have had his eyes. There will never be another person that will have laughed the way he would have. There will never be another person who would have thought the way he would have. There will never be another person who would have loved the way he would have. The world is missing a part of it. It is missing my son. I know he only lived for 22 minutes...but, oh the things we missed. He was created and set apart for something more than this world...but, oh how my heart aches for him. My arms ache to hold him again. My lips wishing they could feel his skin again. He was my son, my only son. He was my child.

Parents are not meant to bury their children. Parents are not meant to have to figure out life without their children. While I was pregnant I spent every free minute thinking of his life with us. I pictured all the places and things I would show him...but, now my thoughts have become how I will live this life without him. I should not have his ashes...I should have him. I will hold him in my heart forever. I will miss him forever. I don't think time will heal the wound...and I don't want it to...I want to remember him. He will always be my first born son. Even if God blesses us with more children...Trent will never be forgotten.

I miss him so much. Oh if I could just have one more day. one more day, one more minute, even one more second.

3 comments:

littleharves said...

that is a beautiful song , no wonder it made you cry, i'm sorry that you are having a bad day and i totally understand wanting one more moment b ut realising that it is indeed all over and very final, life is just too serious sometimes and just too sad. i hope that you have someone who loves you close by, warm hugs xxx anne

Naomi said...

the pictures of Trent always touch me deep inside my heart. I can't look at him without crying, so I can't imagine what you must experience every time you do. He was a beautiful baby and he will always live on in your hearts, your blogs, your photos...and in my heart and the hundreds of others he has touched. He will forever be Trenton James Weatherford!

Anonymous said...

aww trish I just cryed when i read this new blog, the pics make me just cry i cant imagin your and kens pain, God does have great big plans for ya"ll so try to keep your chin up and good thing will happen for you ;) lvu scherry

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