Sometimes it is hard to remember who I was before I lost Trent. My world was a very different place. It was filled with joy and laughter. It was filled with taking care of my husband, loving on my nieces and nephews, being a friend, a daughter, and chasing after the heart of God.
Many of those things are still here...they are just different now. I know that I will never be the same Trisha that everyone knew. I know that my world will never be the same again. But, through this tragic loss I have learned somethings that make me even better, stronger, more loving than I was before.
I had no idea how fragile life is. I don't take advantage of it anymore. I have been overweight my entire adult life. In March, about 10 weeks after I lost Trent, I had gotten to my heaviest ever. Food has always been a comfort for me. It was the only thing that seemed the same...so I ate...a lot. When I was getting dressed one morning and realized that NOTHING would fit I was a little pissed. I went shopping and bought some size 26 clothes (if you are not a plus size woman...this is a BIG size). I decided that day that I couldn't live like this. That my life meant more than just food and being fat. I knew that God had kept me alive in that hospital when I was so close to death that I had a reason to keep living. I joined the gym that week. I changed everything about the way I ate. I didn't call it a diet...I was a different person after losing Trent...I might as well look different too.
Fast forward to this morning on my scale...65 lbs lighter than I started! 65 that is a big number. I am so proud of myself. I have never succeeded at weight loss. I sent all of my bigger sizes to some friends and vowed I would never wear them again (even during future pregnancies) I have on a size 18 pair of pants today. AND (this is huge if you are or have been plus size) a shirt from Old Navy. NOT a plus size shirt, not a shirt I had to buy from a big girls store...a shirt I walked into a normal, everyday store for normal size people and bought! I have a very long way to go. I would like to lose 60 more pounds. But, for today I will rejoice in these 65 pounds.
I am a new woman...and I plan to live this life that I still have honoring my boy in any way I can!
a magical moment
3 days ago