my journey through the loss of my first son and the life of my second

Friday, July 30, 2010


Sometimes it is hard to remember who I was before I lost Trent. My world was a very different place. It was filled with joy and laughter. It was filled with taking care of my husband, loving on my nieces and nephews, being a friend, a daughter, and chasing after the heart of God.

Many of those things are still here...they are just different now. I know that I will never be the same Trisha that everyone knew. I know that my world will never be the same again. But, through this tragic loss I have learned somethings that make me even better, stronger, more loving than I was before.

I had no idea how fragile life is. I don't take advantage of it anymore. I have been overweight my entire adult life. In March, about 10 weeks after I lost Trent, I had gotten to my heaviest ever. Food has always been a comfort for me. It was the only thing that seemed the I ate...a lot. When I was getting dressed one morning and realized that NOTHING would fit I was a little pissed. I went shopping and bought some size 26 clothes (if you are not a plus size woman...this is a BIG size). I decided that day that I couldn't live like this. That my life meant more than just food and being fat. I knew that God had kept me alive in that hospital when I was so close to death that I had a reason to keep living. I joined the gym that week. I changed everything about the way I ate. I didn't call it a diet...I was a different person after losing Trent...I might as well look different too.

Fast forward to this morning on my scale...65 lbs lighter than I started! 65 that is a big number. I am so proud of myself. I have never succeeded at weight loss. I sent all of my bigger sizes to some friends and vowed I would never wear them again (even during future pregnancies) I have on a size 18 pair of pants today. AND (this is huge if you are or have been plus size) a shirt from Old Navy. NOT a plus size shirt, not a shirt I had to buy from a big girls store...a shirt I walked into a normal, everyday store for normal size people and bought! I have a very long way to go. I would like to lose 60 more pounds. But, for today I will rejoice in these 65 pounds.

I am a new woman...and I plan to live this life that I still have honoring my boy in any way I can!


michelle hendrix-swords said...

i understand about the weight, the plus sizes, and finally being able to wear a normal size shirt! before i got pregnant with xavier i found out i had diabetes and i had started exercising and losing weight - then i found out i was pregnant and i continued to watch watch what i ate, but i quit exercising. after losing xavier i tried to start exercising again and i just can't seem to get into a groove. i've also started to not watch what i eat as much.

i know i need to get back on track, but it's so hard. thank you for posting this - it is encouraging to me. so, congratulations on your healthy life style choices! best of luck on the next 60 pounds!!! *HUGS*

Michelle Karr said...

You go girl!!!! I am very proud of you!!! Trent is super duper proud of his awesome mommy!!! :)

Danae said...

That is awesome! I too am losing weight, and still have about 50 pounds to go. I just finally got below my pre-pregnancy weight this week and was thrilled.

Keep up it! You are doing great!

fuzzandfuzzlet said...

You should be very, very proud of yourself. That is an incredible amount of weight to lose.

Anonymous said...

your beautiful son loves you sweetheart. you will see each other again!

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