my journey through the loss of my first son and the life of my second

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Flying

I survived.

In his new world without my son there are so many things that trigger the memories and take me right back to that moment...

I was very worried about being back in an airport. I did fine. I just kept telling myself that it was just an airport. I survived.

It is hard to keep going forward....but I am.

As I was in the airport this morning I kept wondering what it would be like if we never conceived him, if we never knew him, if the pain never was. I believe that if Trent was never born I would have spent my whole life searching for him. I would have looked into the faces of children and searched for him. I would have known I was missing him. The thing about being a mom is that your kids complete you. If he never was I would be incomplete. If he never was I would not know love so great. I would not trade knowing that sweet boy for all this heart ache. He completed me. I will miss him all my days. But, I have seen him, held him, loved him. And, that makes me complete. If he and never been I would be incomplete.

I love my Trent with all that I have.

And, the next time I see him I never have to say goodbye.

2 comments:

lis said...

im glad you got through it. i know you can't see him, but he can see you all the time, and he was with you on your flight, mama.
xoxo
lis

Danae said...

Our babies do complete us. They gave us hopes and dreams, and showed us what it is like to love someone completely and unconditionally. And they will be with us for all of our days. ((HUGS))

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