my journey through the loss of my first son and the life of my second

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

a little late...but, worth it

I have been dreading today.

I have been avoiding today.

I have put it off time and time again.

But, I finally put on my big girl pants and went for my 6 month post check-up. (Yes, I am 6 weeks late. But, I was gearing myself up for it!)

When I pulled into the parking lot the tears started. I know I was dreading the airport and the hospital. But, this is different. This is THE doctor's office. It is not one similar to it. It is where my pregnancy was confirmed. It was where I first heard his beautiful heart beat. It is where we planned to deliver (my OB's office is in the same building as the birthing center). It is the place where I cried at my 14 week appt because they couldn't find a heart beat. I was sent to get a sonogram right away. He was just fine. But, how could I have known how hard it was going to get. This is the table I laid on at my 20 week check up and the doctor told me that my pregnancy was coming along nicely. This was the room that Ken teared up in as he heard his son's heartbeat. This is the place. I have only been back one time since Trent was born. Because he was born in Florida the hospital faxed my whole chart to him. He reviewed it thourghly and then he called me for my check up. I can't remember when it was. I think about 3 days after we got back from Flordia. I was so numb I didn't even pay attention that day. I was still in disbelief.

Today was different. Today I was very aware of what was going on. I cried in the parking lot and gained composure before I went in. The receptionsit asked how I was and I burst into tears. Ugh! I hate it that I can't control the tears anymore. I filled out the paper and sat down. I again was able to stop. But, when the nurse came to get can guess. After she weighed me, got my blood pressure, and hugged me for a very very long time I started to calm down. She was so happy about my weight loss. Then it was time to see the doctor.

With all the tears and the fear and the anxiety I walked out with good and bad news.

My cervix looks perfect. My uterus is fine. My PCOS seems to be under control right now. I am ovulating and producing good eggs. All of this is good. I was so excited to hear it. He didn't even put me back on my meds for PCOS. He thought I was fine without them. I was beyond happy to hear all of this.

The bad news...really isn't that bad...since all my lady junk is okay. But, I still have milk. Well, he called it discharge at this point. But, it is milk colored...(and I guess we could ask Ken and see if it is milk flavored) ((sorry I thought we all need a laugh sometimes)) It is only in the left breast. The right breast has several lumps. He thinks they are dialated milk ducts. But, I have a sonogram scheduled for Friday morning and bloodwork tomorrow to figure out what is going on. I am really not even worried about it. I am sure it will be fine.

And, lastly, and MOST important we talked about future pregnancies. I asked if he would place a cerclage or wait and watch my cervix. He said "Absolutley not! You have a text book incompetent cervix. We will place the cerclage before the 12th week." That eased my heart so much. He told me that some doctors do just wait and see. But, he said the life of my next child would depend on that cerclage. He told me that he has preformed hundreds of them and they are very successful. Thank goodness!

That is all...I know that was kind of boring...but, I thought I would share!


lis said...

hoping that today, as hard as it was, soothed your battered heart just a little.

Anonymous said...

Oh Trisha, this was obviously such a difficult appointment to go to but YOU DID IT! And you even got good news! You're so wonderfully strong. This isn't boring at all - this is just lovely.

Melissa said...

Congrats on the weight loss and your PCOS symptoms being under control. I am trying to get my weight under control as well and it is not easy. I am glad the nurse was nice to you and you had a good appointment.

Jill said...

A lot of your doctor experience sounds just like mine. Happy you went and great news that everything looks good and that you have a plan in place for the future. I hope everything works itself out with the milk. I know today was an emotional day for you. Sending you LOTS of love.

Terra said...

I am so proud of you and so in awe of your faith and strength!! You know my prayers continue always for you and Ken :)

Danae said...

I am so glad they are going to do the cerclage as preventative measures! My high-risk MFM is going to do the same.

I'm glad everything is working great, and hopefully they figure out what is causing the leakage.

Sending you hugs and love!

Stephanie said...

Thinking of you.

Naomi Hull said...

ALRIGHT!!! ALOT OF GOOD NEWS THERE! You are doing wonderful and I know that you and Ken will be blessed with another beautiful baby. And that baby will be so lucky to be born to such wonderful parents who will love him/her immensely. I can't wait for your post that you are expecting! Good luck!

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