my journey through the loss of my first son and the life of my second

Saturday, September 25, 2010

3 am

Yes, it is 3:00 am and I am up blogging. I don't sleep well anymore. I used to fall asleep and stay asleep for 6-10 hours...with no help from prescriptions. These days I have lots and lots of options when it comes to sleeping pills (I really think doctors will write you almost anything after you lose a child) but, still no sleep.

But, that is okay...I am getting pretty used to functioning on 2-5 hours of sleep a night.

Last week I had a doctors appt. A normal doctor. My general doctor. It was strange to be at an appt where they weren't talking about my cervix or PCOS or miscarriages. I was there to talk about....well, poop.

I may give you TMI in this post...but, it is 3 am and it really was kind of an exciting visit in a strange sort of way!!

I love the labels that follow you around in your medical charts...don't you?

When I was two years old I was admitted to the hospital for severe dehydration and bathroom issues. It is my first memory. I woke up in the bed and looked around the room. It was huge and the walls were green tile and my dad was curled up in a chair across the room. That is all I remember. But, the diagnosis then followed me for years to come. I was diagnosed lactose intolerant. So, I spent my childhood without cereal and ice cream and with my mother shoving calcium chews down me. (love you mom)

Another strong memory from childhood was the sheer number of times I had UTI's. I remember them happening A LOT. Each time I would see the doctor, he would give me medicine, and then my mom would buy me cranberry juice. I think I have consumed more cranberry juice in my life than most! But, on the up side, being one of six there was not often a drink in the fridge off limits to all other kids...and the cranberry juice was all mine. I have continued having UTI's into my adulthood. I would say I get between 4-7 a year. SUCKS!

Up next was my PCOS diagnosis. I know I don't have to go into detail on this one. So many of us suffer from this. But, I will say I was 18 and my mom was reading a magazine article that gave all the symptoms. She was sure this is what I had. She made an appt for me and the tests started. I had not had a period in over 12 months. Anyway, you know what comes along with PCOS...

The most devastating diagnosis of all came in January. My incompetent cervix. Just for the record, I HATE that term now. I hate the word incompetent. My cervix has no idea how to work. UGH. But, of course this diagnosis was a matter of life and death for my sweet Trent and for children yet to come. So, I hate that I have it...but, am very glad I was diagnosed with it.

Finally, my point of all of this rambling, I suffer from constipation...ALL. THE. TIME. I have for as long as I can remember. I can go 5-7 days without a BM. I have always thought this was normal. But, then I married Ken. He is a 2x per day kind of guy. And, for the last 5 years has always teased me about the issues I have with my BM's. I will not give you many more details...I know it is TMI. Anyway, I was at church last week and a girl and I were talking and somehow she told me she had been diagnosed with IBS...irritable bowel syndrome. She told me all her symptoms and I was like ME TOO!! So, 8:00 am the next morning when my doctor opened I was on the phone. I got in to see her at 3:00. Long story short (too late) I do have IBS. I was SO excited to know that there was a name for all the issues I have AND that they make a pill to fix it. I can honestly say that this is the first time I was relieved to get a diagnosis!! Here is what I learned from my doctor...more than likely I have had it my whole life. All those UTI's they kept diagnosing me with were probably my inflamed bowels pressing against my bladder giving me the same effects as a UTI!! My allergy to milk probably came from the same thing...my IBS. It is crazy but it is like this little piece of information filled in this huge gap for me!!

So, here I am ... 3:23 am ... talking about poop.

But, here is the point of all of this. The medicine I am taking (which is more than one) is helping me become regular. Which of course means cleaning me out first! TMI!! But, last night as my tummy was rumbling it felt eerily like labor. While in the hospital with Trent they kept getting on to me because I had not had a BM three days in. They kept listening to my bowels and telling me they were inflamed (what the heck was I supposed to do about that) Anyway, they started me on some meds to help with those issues and they gave me the same feelings I had last night. And, Trent was kicking. The first time I felt him kick was at the hospital...mixed in with cramps from the bowels. I did feel him kick without the cramps...but, mostly it was all mixed in together. The day my contractions started I didn't know that is what they were. I thought it was still more gas pain. But, it was not. So, last night it was like I was right back there...in the middle of it all...hoping and praying it would be okay.

I hate how the strangest things can take us back. But, last night I kept thinking "if only I could go back so that I could have him kick me one last time." I want to go back to when he was with me. I miss having my little peanut!!

3 comments:

Tiffany said...

yay for a diagnosis! reminds me of that show mystery diagnosis. And I can see how all the issues are tied together. So glad you have answers, I bet that is so comforting. There was a time too where I thought I had IBS but never got it checked out. Turned out it was just stress because as soon as my ex husband left so did the stomach pains. and I know about things or sounds or feelings taking us back... hugs.

* ButterflyChik* said...

Hey Hey,
I stumbled over your blog today and I just had to tell you I'm enjoying your blog. Your awesome. I became a follower and I'm looking forward to keeping up and leaving comments. I hope you will check out both my blogs, and become a follower. I have a button, and I'd like to add you to my blog roll. I hope you have a lovely weekend. God Bless You and Yours

http://diaryofhappilyeverafter.blogspot.com/

Infertility Blog: http://ourjourneythrufaith.blogspot.com/

Love,
Jess

tasivfer said...

A diagnosis for a problem is a wonderful thing!! This is so exciting! ((HUGS))

And don't you just hate the term 'incompetent cervix'?! Isn't that just an evil thing to say about someone? Male doctors have a lot to answer for; this obviously wasn't a term created by a female doctor. It's not like there is a suitable male equivalent, like 'pathetic penis' for men who can't get it up. Makes me grumpy.

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