my journey through the loss of my first son and the life of my second

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

in other news...

This blog is about my journey from losing Trent and beyond...

So, today I thought I would share a positive that has come from losing my dear son.

I have been "morbidly obese" my entire adult life.

If you are not overweight or just have never really looked into the whole BMI world ... I will give you a little background.

According to AARP, BMI is Your Body Mass Index (BMI) is an estimate of your body fat, based on your height and weight.

The higher your BMI, the higher your risk of developing such conditions as heart disease, high blood pressure, sleep apnea, and type 2 diabetes.

Yes, lovely. Every doctor I have seen or weight loss expert I have gone to has calculated my BMI for me to proceed to tell me that I am morbidly obese...and how unhealthy it is...blah blah blah. I know it is unhealthy. I just didn't care. Well, I cared enough to go on 400 million different diets in the last 20 years of my life. But, not enough to actually change my life.

In the weeks after I had Trent the only comfort I could find was from food. I was already morbidly obese...and I ate myself into the "super obese" category. That is just sad!! My BMI when I started this weight loss journey was 47.9. That makes me want to throw up!!! I think that may be the highest it has ever been!

According to Wikipedia here is the breakdown:

30-34.9 Obese I
35-39.9 Obese II
40-44.9 Morbidly Obese
45 or greater Super Obese

Sad sad sad!

However, for the first time in my adult life my current BMI is...........


Yes, I know it is still high but, I am only obese II. I have fallen below the morbid obese stage.

That is pretty dang exciting to me. I know that it is still not a great number...but, it is down 10 points!!

And, I went from size 26 to size the last 7 months.

Here is a picture I took this morning in the mirror. The white shirt I have on is size XL from Old Navy and the blue one is XL from Kohl's. NO PLUS SIZES! Just plain, normal sizes...not bought from a special store.

I don't tell you all of this for your praise. I tell you because my son inspired me to do this. Like I said i have been overweight for nearly 20 years. As a child I was not overweight. But, once I hit my teenage years and I was diagnosed with PCOS I have been heavy every since. My weight has kept me from doing so many things in my life. It is my barrier to the world. I didn't want to let people in so, the fat could keep them away. The weight has kept me from riding roller coasters, flying comfortably, going off to college, and dating. I know that sounds crazy...but, if you have been overweight you will understand. I never used to fit in the booths at restaurants. I never could buy normal clothes. I have never ridden a horse in fear I will hurt the poor thing. I have never tried things that i would have loved because of my weight. But, my sweet Trent changed all of that.

I learned how precious life really is after him. How unfair that I keep feeding my face and cutting my life shorter and shorter. How sad that I pick food over health. How sad that my future children would have to have a fat mom. I just didn't want to be that person anymore. I wanted to be Trent's mom. A woman full of life...and living for her sons memory.

So, my life has chagned in more ways than I can count since losing him...but, most importantly I work out daily. I eat right. I am loving my body and giving it the things it needs. I can't remember the last time I ate drive thru and it used to be a daily staple. I pack my lunch, drink protein shakes for breakfast or even make some eggs and toast, Ken and I make healthy dinners. No pizzas ordered, no fattening things cooked. I have truly changed my life style. And, it doesn't feel so bad. In fact it feels great. I love the feeling of being 72 lbs lighter. I love the compliments I get from people who have not seen me.

I will not go back. I will not be that person again.

So, if anything....losing our rainbow lets me continue on my weight loss journey and be even that much more healthy and strong for our next one.




Ethansmommy said...

Thats awesome Trisha!

I have been working on the same thing, wanting to be healthier for our rainbow baby. I never used to work out and now I go to Curves 3 days a week and I am working on increasing to 5. Good for you! Health is one of the greatest gifts we can give ourselves and our children someday. Hugs to you! Ami

Michelle Karr said...

You go girl!!! That is AWESOME!!!!

lis said...

what a wonderful inspiration and story. i am glad your little boy will always be with you in yet another way, your health! we have to live the best lives we can for our little ones, and you are certainly an inspiration!

Anonymous said...

That you have done this during this utterly difficult time in your life is such an amazing achievement! In helping you love yourself, Trent is giving you back some of the boundless love you've given him. I hope you understand what I mean as I don't think I've phrased it very well!

Antoinette said...

So proud of you Trisha for doing good for yourself and in your baby boy's name!!! the other day when you posted the pic of the two size differences on your bday it was amazing and I say keep doing what you are doing!!!!

Missy said...

wozers, trisha! look at you! :)
you are so beautiful whether there's a "super" or a "II" or a "normal" behind your BMI status. But what a great success for you. I am proud of you.

Marie W said...

You look great!

Danae said...

That is awesome! I made the promise to Bailey when she was still happy, healthy, and nice and warm in my belly, that I would go back on Weight Watchers once she was born, lose all the weight I gained with her, and more, and be the fun, hip, healthy mommy she deserved to have.

And even though she isn't here with us anymore, I still feel like I need to keep that promise. And since last September, I have lost almost 50 pounds. I have lost everything I gained with her, and am still continuing to lose.

You are beautiful, you are strong, and you can do this! We'll do it together...for our babies!

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