my journey through the loss of my first son and the life of my second

Tuesday, September 28, 2010


I shop at Sam's ... way. too. much.

It is part of my, I embrace it. I have started having a lot of the food delievered to the soup kitchen and that has cut down on my Sam's trips...but, I am still there at least once and on a busy week twice or three times. I know the people that work there. They know me. Sad.

Yesterday I was shopping for a few things we needed and had a new cashier. I had never seen her before. She was trying to get me to upgrade our account to the business account and so her sales technique was, "Do you have kids?" That one always throws me off. I always seem to stumble over my words after that question. I am normally a strong, confident person when people ask me questions. But, this one always fowls me up! I said, "no, I mean, yes, I have one son who passed away." She said she was sorry and continued ringing up my order. She finally said, "I don't mean to be too personal but, how old was he when he died?" I told her he was only 22 minutes and she again said how sorry she was. She then said to me a statement that has been with me since I walked out of the store, "I miscarried before I had mine, so, I know your pain." I asked her how far along she was. She told me she was 9 months. He died during delivery because his cord got wrapped around his neck. I said to her, "that wasn't a miscarriage, your son died." She just kind of looked at me. I asked her if they buried him. And, she told me they had. I walked away feeling so bad for her. I feel like someone along the way told her this was "just a miscarriage" and she believed it. I found like she never got the support that she needed after losing her first son. I would have stayed and talked for hours but, the woman behind me in line was getting very mad that I was taking forever. The cashier was very young 19 or 20. She lost her son almost two years ago and now has a healthy nine month old son at home. I have thought over and over again that maybe she wasn't given the option to grieve because she was young. I did say to her before I left, "you know we were not meant to leave the hospital without them." She got a little teary eyed and said, "but, no one understands that."
I just wanted to grab her and hug her...let her grieve her baby boy. And, I am sure she did. I just feel like someone in her life has made her think it just wasn't that big of deal. I wanted to give her my email address and connect her to this amazing community of support I have found.

I am hoping I see her the next time I am there....which will be soon. I plan to give her my card and write this blog on the back.

I am grateful beyond words for the support I have found through this blog. I have shared my biggest pain in my life with perfect strangers. But, we have become friends. You understand my heart and my pain better than anyone else can. Thank you. I am not sure I would have made it this far without the support. I am glad that on the days that my eyes will not dry I know that I am not crazy. I am glad that the days I don't feel like getting out of bed I can sign on and see that there are others who feel the same way. I don't wish this world on anyone. But, I am grateful for all that have walked before and with me on this journey.


Anonymous said...

That poor young girl! I hope she's OK. I hope if she needs to talk she can find people who understand. It's so important to find people who understand because it's easy to think that what you are thinking and feeling is crazy - until you see that others have thought and felt the same. ((HUGS))

Suzy said...

oh that brought tears to my eyes. I hate that so many women are forced into believing that their babies' lives aren't important, or that they were "just a miscarriage". Such a powerful thing you did, please do pass on a card to her. Include faces of loss faces of hope ( on there too.


Anonymous said...

That is so sad. I hate hate hate hearing people say that a full term stillbirth is a miscarriage- not because I am trying to downplay miscarriages, but because it usually is in the context of (like you said) the words "just a miscarriage". I think she will love hearing from you again. <3

Melissa said...

That is so sad, and so nice of you to reach out to her. Hugs.

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