my journey through the loss of my first son and the life of my second

Thursday, September 9, 2010

Why

Can I just say....I am struggling.

The why is surrounding me lately.

Haunting me...

Laughing at me...

Reminding me I am not good enough.

When I start to play the "why me " game I can spend hours ... Days telling myself all the reasons why I believe.

Sometimes I feel like I am being punished because I am not good enough, sometimes I decide it is because I am overweight (so often my weight has been blamed for my problems by others), sometimes it is because I didn't fight hard enough.

This list could go on and on...some of my " why's" are too hard, too awful, too personal to write...

When does it make sense?

When does it end?

Why Trent?

Why two failed pregnancies since him?

4 comments:

Heather said...

(((hugs)))

I wish I knew the answer to these questions for you, for me, for all of us who have lost our children.

One thing I do know is this is not your fault in any way whatsoever - you are not being punished. I struggled with these very thoughts over and over. But then if that were true, people who shouldn't have children because they don't take care of them or abuse them wouldn't, and we wouldn't have lost babies. Of course, that doesn't really help with the frustration factor, because it's not fair at all. I wish I knew more to say to help, but I know this is just one of those inevitable struggles.

Lucid Anne said...

:( I have no idea why... but I do know that its not your fault. Its NOT.

<3

Danae said...

I wish I had an answer as to why...why Trent, why Bailey? Why any of our babies?

But, it's not your fault Trisha. It's not. It's not anything you did or didn't do. It just is what it is.

(((HUGS)))

Naomi xoxo said...

Keep being the strong mother and wife that you are. Keep up the healthy lifestyle. Keep honoring Trent's life. You will be rewarded immensely. I know it in my heart. I think of you and your family every single day and I look forward to reading your blogs and updates daily. You are an inspiration! You have a beautiful, giving, caring heart. How could a person like that not be blessed. You will see...

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