my journey through the loss of my first son and the life of my second

Saturday, September 25, 2010

the workings of me

I can be pretty strange.

Don't worry...I have come to terms with it.

I am SO weird about textures. Not just food but material also. When I was little I would not wear courdory. UGH...the thought of it just makes my teeth hurt. I hate sheets with little nubblies. I hate things that are too soft. I hate the feeling of cotton balls and try to avoid them at all times! I hate the feeling of anything slimy. I hate am allergic to, being near it gives me the hives.

My least favorite texture of all....

WAFFLE WEAVE BLANKETS!!! OH MY GOSH...I freak out just a tad when they are on the beds at hotels. And, by freak out I mean, I dismantle the bed linens and put that awful thing in the closet so I don't even have to look at it.

For as long as I can remember I have told my family and now Ken that if and when I was ever in the hosptial please PLEASE bring me a blanket. Because, it seems that standard issue hospital blankets are...waffle weave. Just shoot me now!!

But, in the eight days I was in the hospital with Trent I never once freaked out about the blanket. And, yes it was waffle weave. I didn't even really notice. I was so focused on keeping my son alive and then so in shock that he was didn't even matter.

SO much is like that now. Things that I used to think were a big deal...they really don't even kind of matter. Things that I spent hours focusing on...I can't seem to remember them. When you go through something as tragic as seeing your son die in your arms the waffle weave in life just doesn't seem to matter.

So, for the last 8 and a half months I have tried to figure out what does matter. I have tried to soak in the moments with Ken. Love to the fullest I can. Be real with people (did you read my last post??? TMI!). It really doesn't matter the title you hold, or the car you drive, or the clothes you wear...what matters are the people and the way you love them!

Yes, I still despise waffle, please do not send me a blanket made out of it for Christmas!! But, for 8 days it didn't even phase me. Trent was/is the most important...not all the strange things about me.


Jamie said...

Look up sensory processing disorders. From many of your "weirdness" explanations, you seem to fit this category. My kids have a variety of sensory issues, all the way from sensitivities to cravings. It makes for some very interesting interactions around here...

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