No, we do not know the sex of the baby yet. I am only 11 weeks 4 days.
And, I want to preface this post with two things...1) if it is a girl I will be forever grateful for the chance to raise a daughter 2) I realize even if it is a boy it will never replace what I lost with Trent.
I want a son! I want this to be a boy so bad I can taste it!! I never thought I would say/think/type/wish that thought!! But, a boy is what I want. I want a chance to raise a son. I want the chance to train a boy to be a gentleman. I want the opportunity to raise a son that will one day be a man as amazing as his daddy. I want to give him the skills to be a loving husband, amazing father, a caring friend, and a God-fearing man. I want a son.
I want to have to learn to change a diaper without being peed on. I want to watch Ken try and teach his son to "aim." I want a house filled with blue, legos, dinosaurs, cars, dirt, and love. I want to watch my husband teach our son to hunt. I want to watch my son and his dad wrestle. I want to watch my son build castles, forts, houses, planes, and anything else his little mind can come up with out of blocks and legos. I want to know what it is like to have a five year old talking my ear off about Transformers (or whatever toy is popular in five years.) I want to step on Matchbox cars and army men as I walk to the bathroom at night (yes, I will yell at him for leaving them out.) I want the chance to raise a son.
I want the chance to watch as he drives away for the first time on his own after he gets his driver's license. I want to be there to hear about his first date, first kiss, first love. I want to be there to comfort him when that evil girl breaks his heart. I want to watch as he goes from teenager to man. I want a son.
I know a girl would be just as fun in an opposite way. I know I would enjoy pink and ribbons. But, I want a son.
I know this son will never give me what I lost with Trent...but, I want that chance. I want another boy.