my journey through the loss of my first son and the life of my second

Monday, November 15, 2010


I hate not planning. I hate not dreaming. But, oh how it scares me!

It scares me to pick out names, clothes, diapers, anything.

It scares me to think that this time next year I will be holding my child.

Last year at this time I was 16 weeks pregnant with my sweet Trent. Last year I thought it would be my last Thanksgiving without my child. Last year I kept thinking about how fun it would be to have our son with us this year. It is heartbreaking to be facing the holidays...with empty arms.

Yesterday, Ken told me a dream he has about this child. A special something he wants to save for this baby. It brought tears to my eyes. He has been just as scared to get attached to this little one. We used to lay in bed every night and dream of all we would do with Trent.

I am 10 weeks and 3 days pregnant today.

Praying for Sprinkle.

Hoping to dream soon.

Ready to start planning for this little one.


Marie W said...

I am scared to dream again too :-(. We can trudge through and support each other. Keeping you , hubby and sprinkle in prayers. We serve a God thats bigger than our fears!

Jaime said...

I will be 30 weeks on Wednesday and still have hardly planned a thing. It is a frightening thing to do even this far along and it is so much further than I got with Claire. Unfortunately baby loss brings about so many "side effects" and until our babes are breathing in our arms I don't think we will really allow ourselves to breath ourselves. It is sad. I wish I could be more excited. It's not fair. But day by day is another day closer.

Much love being sent to you and Sprinkle.


Anonymous said...

I had the same fears Trisha...It is so hard to navigate in this world after losing our babies. My rainbow is 3.5 and I am still scared to dream...still afraid to fully exhale. I am thinking about you, Ken, Trent and sprinkles tonight. Ive been lighting candles all night with my prayers and I just lit one for you and your family...Blessings sweetie... You are in my heart, thoughts and prayers

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