my journey through the loss of my first son and the life of my second

Saturday, December 25, 2010

survival

I think I have learned to survive. Most days. There are still moments when it would be easier to give up. There are moments when I can't figure out why I even try to survive. And, then this second miracle inside me kicks, squirms, or I get to hear the heart beat. I am blessed.

I survived my 1st Christmas without my son. It was actually a beautiful day spent with my darling husband. We woke up, opened presents, ate a big breakfast, and just enjoyed each others company all day. I was reminded how lucky I am to call him my husband. I thought many times of how much more fun it would have been to have Trent with us. But, today was for us. We didn't go to any family members house, we didn't travel on a fancy vacation, we stayed in our pj's all day...and I loved it.

This week marks a year from when the beginning of the end started to unfold.

We flew to Florida a year ago yesterday...

I was admitted to the hospital while on that trip...

We meet and said goodbye to our son during that "vacation"...

These next few weeks will be hard.

One year ago today I was blissfully unaware that babies die.

I hope and pray that a year from today I will be aware that babies live too.

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