I thank God every. single. day. for both of my boys.
I really can't believe that I am pregnant again. I went to a baby shower today for another little boy...it was so fun and exciting to watch all that baby stuff be opened and passed around. But, a year ago I didn't think I would ever attend a baby shower again. I remember just a few weeks after Trent died I was invited to a shower of a girl that was due the same week as me. It was like a punch in the gut. I was beyond upset....not because they invited me but, because I would never get that for my little boy. But, today was fine. I was fine. There were no tears, no upset feelings, just lots of laughs and lots of blue! Being pregnant again does not heal my heart...it will never be whole again. But, being pregnant again does make me feel more human. It does give me something to look forward too. It does give me hope.
I am amazed every day that I am pregnant...still, again, ever. It is truly something I thought I would never get to experinece. Trent gave me all my firsts; ultrasound, morning sickness, life inside me. Ian is giving me just as much and more. I feel Ian kick and squirm every day...what a blessing! I am just a few short days (2!!) away from being more pregnant than I have ever been. I feel blessed beyond words. Some might think I am crazy for feeling blessed with one child in heaven...but, blessed I am.
Two little boys...my boys... :)