my journey through the loss of my first son and the life of my second

Thursday, January 20, 2011

giving up

I saw this quote online today...

when the world says 'give up,' Hope whispers, 'try it one more time' -- unknown

It made me really start to think about all the times it would have been easier to just give up. When the doctor in Florida told me that I would never carry kids of my own...I could have given up...but, look at all I would have missed. When Trent died in my arms...I could have given up...but, I would have missed out on Ian.

Life sucks a lot of times. I was devestated when the doctor told me to basically give up on having a baby of my own. But, even in the years that followed Ken and I never stopped trying. We never gave up on hope. We were not actively trying to get pregnant when we concieved Trent...he truly was our miracle. God had bigger plans for us. In the days after he died I feel like 100's of people said to me, "You can have other kids." But, I really didn't know if that was true. It had taken us 4 years to concieve that precious little boy. Four long, hard, emotional years. I was 30 when he was born. I kept thinking about how your fertility drops after the age of 30 and my fertility already sucked. But, we didn't give up hope. I opted to lose 90 lbs of weight and here I am carrying my second son. I can't believe I can even type those SECOND SON! I have two little boys. One of which will be waiting in heaven for me when this life ends and the other is kicking me and wiggling as I type. I don't know that I could imagine life without them. I hate that Trent is gone...the tears still come daily for all that I am missing with him. But, he will always be my first born miracle.

There are days when hope feels pretty far away...but, God truly never let go...


Brittni said...

You just spoke straight to my heart, literally...there is hope for us both Trisha! I love you :)

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