my journey through the loss of my first son and the life of my second

Wednesday, February 2, 2011

birth certificate

I am "lucky" in the fact that I have a birth certificate for my son. I say "lucky" because I have met woman on this journey whose babies died in the womb and they only get a death certificate. Now, my luck runs out there...I have a birth AND a death certificate. A death certificate is something no parent should ever have to see. The birth certificate was given to us before we left the hospital. We needed it for the funeral home but I can't remember why. I remember when they came to my room to give it to my I thought "look there is Ken and mine's name listed as mother and father." I never thought I would have that luxury...Mother: Trisha Weatherford. I really never thought it would follow with a death certificate.

Today I pre-registered for the hospital. My doctor told me it was time to get my info into the system. It was pretty simple really...just give them my insurance, drivers licensce, and fill out lots of paper work. I was "glad" to get it over with so that Ken would not have to worry about paper work in the event we end up in the hospital in an emergency. The last paper was a work sheet for the new babies birth certificate. I kind of stopped. I had filled one of these out before....only the last time my son was already dead. It kind of triggered some strong emotions. I went to the desk and asked if they really needed this paper now or could we do it once he was born. They said now. I sat down and started filling it out...of course they told me to leave the baby's info blank...it would be filled out once he was born. I just sat there staring at it...will it be followed by a death certificate too?? These are not normal questions! These are not dilemas most pregnant woman face! I really wanted to just walk out...and take all the pre-admit paper work with me!! I wanted to run and hide...pretend I had never asked for it all to start with. But, I put on my big girl pants and filled it out.

Here is what I realized when I got home: I am having a baby. There are no if's, and's, but's about it. Ian is alive and well. He is still kicking, growing, and doing amazing. My cerclage is still holding strong. I am 21w5d and he is measuring just at 23w. I am doing everything in my power to keep him in there for another 12-15 weeks. He WILL come out...the only question is when. He WILL have a birth certificate....the only question is will he get my death certificate before I get his???

I pray more for this baby than I have ever prayed for anything in my life.

1 comments:

Michele said...

holding you and your sweet ones in prayer...

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