my journey through the loss of my first son and the life of my second

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

pregnancy after loss

Can I just say this is NOT easy!!! Pregnancy alone is/can be hard - pregnancy after a loss is even harder! I just want to enjoy the weeks I have him all to myself. I want to enjoy all his kicks, squirms, head-butting, and even the hicups. I just worry so very much. I am a worrier by nature. I worry about everything. But, I worry about this little life I am carrying far more than anything else. Some days I have to remind myself to pray about something other than Ian. My blood pressure got pretty high last night so I am home in bed today waiting for my doctors appointment at 3. Being at home, in bed, with nothing to distract me gives me plenty of time to worry! 24 weeks and 5 days! Longer than I could have imagined being pregnant. I have a healthy strong boy in me...but, of course mommy has issues.

Last night as I was falling asleep I was thinking how amazing pregnancy really is. I mean we ALL start out growing in our mommy's wombs. All of our mothers felt this anticipation that I am feeling. I am beyond blessed to be pregnant. I never thought I would get pregnant...and I really love being pregnant. I just wish it were easier for my body. I wish I was Michelle Duggar and could carry 19 with little to no trouble. Speaking of Michelle Duggar she gave birth to her last little girl at 25 weeks because her blood pressure was so high. Mine is still considered borderline high...so I don't think we are too that point yet. But, because I have already lost a child I think the worst with everything.

UGH!!! I need an online hobby other than researching pregnant stuff!!! Actually, I need my hubby to bring all my work home so I can be busy with that!

5 comments:

Brittni said...

Go trisha Go!!!!

Michele said...

Keeping you in prayer... PAL is so very tough.

tasivfer said...

I'm borderline high too and very worried about it. I hope all is well! Do you realise you're less than a month away from being in the 3rd trimester?!?

Michelle said...

I am due June 7th, congratulations on your pregnancy with Ian! I worry so much too!! I know how you feel. I am on the June rainbow babies group on baby center and have a rainbow blog.

Stephanie said...

I know what your feeling and saying. . . it is so hard. Hang in there hon!

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