my journey through the loss of my first son and the life of my second

Wednesday, March 9, 2011


I did it...

I took the plunge...

I ordered nursery furniture!

I have been waiting weeks for our tax return...the tax return that included Trent as our dependent for the only year he will ever be. The tax return that I took weeks longer than normal to file because I had to include a copy of his birth and death certificate. The tax return that marked the end of a year that included our son. I have called it "Trent's money" since I filed. I normally don't make a big deal out of our return. We normally don't get much back because I like to have a bigger pay check than wait for my return. But, this year the plan has been to buy nursery furniture. The money was in our account on Tuesday. I have had the furniture in my online "cart" for weeks. I could have ordered it 100x's, but I was waiting on "Trent's money." So, Tuesday I did it...right after I clicked "submit" I panicked...what if he doesn't get to use it? what if he doesn't come home either? what if we set the nursery up and we come home with empty arms again? UGH!!!! These are not normal thoughts when you are pregnant!!! I got an email today saying the furniture had shipped and should arrive Friday. I was giddy with excitement! My fear is still real but, so is my hope.

My 3rd trimester begins on Friday...well, according to most websites it begins Friday...some say it begins the following. I am going with this Friday! Who would have thunk it?


Anonymous said...

Oh Trisha! Only days away from the 3rd trimester! And you've ordered nursery furniture!! I think it's lovely that you waited and ordered it with Trent's money - it's another connection between him and his brother. I know you'd laugh at me if I said all will be right, however you're almost 27 weeks. Chances are greater every single day that you'll be using that furniture. :-) I dearly hope that when the furniture arrives the feelings of the promise of the future override the sadness of the past. You'll never get rid of the sadness, but you have a big enough heart for more than one emotion.

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