my journey through the loss of my first son and the life of my second

Saturday, April 2, 2011

i can only imagine

I have loved this song since the day it came out on the radio. It holds a special place in my heart from the days I was in full time youth ministry. I hear this song and picture the girls from my youth group and those were some of my favorite times. We played it at Trent's funeral. I sobbed through the whole thing. I couldn't listen to the song after that. But, there is a new "anniversary" addition on the radio these days. The first few times I flipped the station...too much pain. But, yesterday I was on my way to a work training and a lady called in to say how she had come to Jesus. She shared that she was at a funeral and the pastor gave an inviatation at the end of the service. He said if they wanted to see the sweet baby again it would be in heaven and they would need to invite Jesus in their heart. She said she immediatley went forward, as did her whole family. She needed to see that little boy it was her son. This woman is from Odessa, TX...the next city over from Midland. The story was on K-love, a national Christian station. It was so strange to hear another mom share her grief and the amazing story her son's life really is! They finished that clip with playing the anniversary edidtion of "I can only Imagine." Yesterday, I listened. I heard the words as if they were for the first time.

Surrounded by Your Glory, what will my heart feel?
Will I dance for you, Jesus? Or in awe of You, be still?
Will I stand in Your presence, or to my knees will I fall?
Will I sing 'Hallelujah!'? Will I be able to speak at all?
I can only imagine! I can only imagine!

My sweet Trent is already there...dancing at the feet of our Saviour. I cried as the song played. I remembered the grief and pain I felt at his funeral. I could almost taste it again. My grief and pain was so heavy in the days and weeks after he died it was like I could taste it, smell it, feel it, breath it. I heart those words and thought how selfish that I want him here so badly. His life was lived in pure love and he got to go straight back into perfection.

I can only imagine how sweet it is up baby boy worshiping Him for all of time.

No pain, no judgement, no tears.

I miss him more than words can say...but, I can only imagine how perfect his world already is.


Jill said...


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