my journey through the loss of my first son and the life of my second

Sunday, May 8, 2011

almost there

Just another day...

I convinced myself of that last night before I finally found sleep. Insomnia is in full force lately - partly because I have to pee every 30 mins and partly because it has haunted me for 16 long months. I decided to just let today be. No worries, no tears. And, I did just that. I woke around 4am for a bathroom break and thanked God for the chance to be a mom...even if just a short time with Trent and hopefully years with Ian. I cried then. I cried that He has entrusted two little lives to me. I cried that I will never celebrate this day with my sweet Trent. I cried because Ian was moving away within me. I am blessed. Sometimes it is hard to understand that when one child is in heaven.

Tomorrow marks 2 weeks until delivery!!! 14 days!! I am beyond excited! I can't believe we made it here. Yes, I still freak out when Ian goes too long without moving. I convince myself something must be wrong. I worry about how I will tell everyone that something has gone wrong. And, then I have to grab control of my crazy mind and realize that he is okay...he is living...he is mine.

Today Ken got up before me and went to get me flowers...a dozen beautiful roses for being the mommy to his boys. Ian bought me a pound of Twizzlers and a Kit Kat :) These are two things I have craved the entire pregnancy. My husband is precious. I am blessed.

Two weeks. I can't wait to introduce him to the world! (via pictures of course)


Anonymous said...

I can't wait for you to introduce thim to the world via pictures either! Just TWO WEEKS?!?

Jill said...

So excited for you!

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