my journey through the loss of my first son and the life of my second

Sunday, May 15, 2011


I can't believe how nervous I am about my cerclage being removed!!!! It is the pain that scares me the most! I mean they numb you with a spinal to put it it in a surgical is surgery to put it in. And, tomorrow they take it out in the OB's office. Does that worry anyone? No?? Just me?? Well, maybe it is because it is my cervix being cut open tomorrow ;) It seems strange to worry. Have you noticed I am a worrier by nature? I worry about EVERYTHING! I know it is not healthy...I get lots of lectures on the need to not worry so much. I am thinking I was born this way. I can't change it....except with 6 or 7 margaritas and that is not the best idea for my Ian James :)

The idea that my body is ready for labor after tomorrow is CRAZY!! AHHHHHHHHHHHH!! I can't even explain how my brain can't even wrap itself around that fact! It is so hard to gear up for a happy, healthy, normal labor and delivery. INSANE! I know hundreds of thousands of women give birth every day. I just didn't ever think I would be one of them AND then when I was finally one of them my son died :( BUT, here we are again. It is time. I am honestly hoping to hold out until at least Friday. My mommy flies in Friday at 4pm. I really REALLY want her here with me! Yes, I will be 32 this summer...but I still NEED my mommy!!! Ken missed Trent's birth so I am so very excited to have him by my side this time! AHHHHH! The excitement, nerves, joy, love....all of the emotions are so overwhelming! I love this little boy so very much! I can't wait to hold him and kiss him and call him my son!

I thank God every single day! Less than 24 hours and my cervix will be free :)


Sherri said...

Wow, still wishing you the best! Let us know how everything goes.... If I'm lucky enough to end up pregnant next month, it'll be cerclage for me, and I'm scared to death! It's been so nice to be able to read your journey, and to find hope! And don't worry, I'll be 34 this year, and my Mommy is everything to me!
I'll be praying that Ian holds on until your Mom's flight arrives at the very least ;)
Sending love.

Trisha said...

Thanks! I hope you will end up pregnant! I am so very excited!

Anonymous said...

I love seeing the phrase 'my cervix will be free'! And how funny that I can get excited about a cervix being freed in another hemisphere, on another continent. It's so lovely knowing you and your family. :-) Sorry you're so worried about the procedure, but I can understand and would be too. You'll stop worrying never, and that's OK.

Michele said...

Wow! Fingers crossed for an easy time!

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