my journey through the loss of my first son and the life of my second

Thursday, June 9, 2011


My little man is 17 days old! WOW! I wish I could stop time and just keep him teeny tiny forever! Yesterday I put the outfit he wore home from the hospital on him and it was a tad snug...I got a little teary eyed. All the rest of the newborn size clothing is still fitting fine. Life is so very different with a living child!

After I gave birth to Trent there was no physical evidence of him for the world to see. There was no way to show the world my broken heart. I am sure I looked like a normal person to everyone who saw me. There was no explaining the pain. NOW, I have a beautiful, adorable, sweet, cute, loving baby boy in my arms. I am NOT used to the attention that comes with that!!! I had a doctor appointment today to have two warts removed from my foot (GROSS!!) ((they grew while I was pregnant and they were painful so I was very ready to have them removed)) Ian came with me because Daddy was working. The ENTIRE staff had to come and ohh and ahh over him. It was very stragne! I just can't get used to the attention that having a baby with me brings!

I think one of my very favorite parts of being a mommy right now is breast feeding Ian. I love it! I love the bond it creates between him and me. I love the faces he makes when my breasts are so full and he gets a little milk shower :) I love watching him as he nurses. I love listening to him gulp down the milk my body is making to sustain his little life. I love knowing I am doing the very best I can for him by nursing. I had a rough day yesterday because it was my first full day back to work. I had brought him with me earlier in the week but brought pumped milk so I could feed him. I was out of pumped milk yesterday and just opted to nurse him in my office. It was a bit uncomfortable for both of us and I got frustrated. I had to remind myself how much I love nursing! I have to do that at the 3 am feeding too when I can barely keep my eyes open!

It is truly amazing watching him change and grow every day. I thank God daily for letting me be his mommy!


Anonymous said...

Growing out of clothes!! That's good - healthy - but I can also see heart breaking.

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