my journey through the loss of my first son and the life of my second

Friday, June 3, 2011


I didn't know I could feel joy like this! I didn't think I would ever be this happy again. My heart is so full!! I woke up this morning with my little guy crying and just smiled. I love him. I love nursing him. I love being his mommy. When I look down at him I can't even understand the full love that comes from within me. Ken keeps saying, "when is the rental over?" We have babysat tons of nieces and nephews in our six years together and at the end of the stay have to give them back to their mommy and daddy. This time we don't!! It is hard to understand he gets to stay! WE are mommy and daddy!!

I was just washing and changing him for the day dreaming of all we get to do together over the next years of our lives. I can't wait! Actually, if I could freeze time and keep him this teeny, tiny newborn I would! I love his smallness. We had his newborn pictures done on Wednesday and went into a sandwich shop to get a sub to go. We are trying not to have him out in public too much until six weeks, as ordered by the doctor. The poor little guy already has pink eye :( so, I would like to keep him away from as many germs as I can. But, while there he was oohhhed and aahhed over. It was a first for me. I am not used to the attention. I was filling my drink cup and he was in his carrier. A table full of women started just swooning over him...asking me all kinds of questions. When we got in the car Ken said, "stop talking to random people." I told him they started it and were admiring his son. He didn't realize! He thought I was just running my mouth (which I am good at). It made my heart so happy. I have oohed and awhed over a million babies and now it is my turn!!

I think about a year ago and can't believe where we are today! In fact if I went back and read my blogs from then I would not believe this would be me here and now! I am SOO in love!


Anonymous said...

I am so excited for desire all the happiness that comes from being a mom! They grow so fast, I wish I could bottle my girls now and keep them with me forever, my oldest is talking about colleges! Thank you for sharing you joy with us. Enjoy all your "firsts".

Kristen Brown said...

When I had Kloe my first, I would just sit and stare at her all day, hold her when she cried, everything that everyone told me was bad. I would look up at the time and it would be just a few minutes till Jeremy got home. I would run around the house in like five minutes and make it look tidy so he didn't know that all I did was watch our baby for hours on end. Lol. It seems crazy now looking back on it but I remember just staring in awe of what we had done.

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