my journey through the loss of my first son and the life of my second

Wednesday, June 22, 2011

moments

The moments are sweeter than anything I could have imagined.

It seems that one sentence could sum up everything I want to say and more.

There have been moments in my life that are stuck in my memory forever.

4th of July, 2005...Ken and I danced at the top of the stairs at my parents house while my dad played the piano downstairs. The rest of the world didn't matter...in that moment it was just Ken and I. In that moment I knew I would spend forever with him.

January 5, 2010...the last moment I held Trent before I laid him down one last time. I had just sung him the songs that were to be sung at his funeral and kissed him goodbye one last time.

May 23, 2011...the moment they handed Ian to me...

his gurgles...

his smiles...

his stretches...

his toes...

his chubby little fingers...

his eyes locked on mine while he nurses...

his little farts...

his faces...

his cry...

his long eyelashes...

every single moment with this little boy steals my heart a little more.

I don't think I could have fully understood the love and devotion I would have...there was no way to know. I didn't truly realize all I missed with Trent until Ian was here in my arms.

Being Ian's mommy is more amazing than I could have ever imagined.

I want to freeze time and just have him right here, right now forever. I want him to be this precious little thing forever. I know it seems silly...and yes I do want to watch him grow up...life just seems so perfect now...I don't want anything to mess it up. I know it is not possible and we will continue to move forward every day as he grows bigger. I just love who he is right now. I guess I just can't imagine him any other way. I can't picture what tomorrow will hold so I want to hold on to today for as long as I can.

Tomorrow he will be one month old...truly the best month of my life.

4 comments:

Sherri said...

I know I don't have to tell you to cherish each second... you already are! Time goes soooo incredibly fast once you have children. Jenna will soon be three, and it feels like I've just blinked! I'm so happy to read your posts, and you give me hope that if I'm lucky enough to become pregnant on Thursday... maybe I'll be able to carry to term.

tasivfer said...

Awwwww. . . :-D

Mary said...

Beautiful post. Can I just say I'm totally jealous?! ;) Enjoy it momma, you deserve it!

fuzzandfuzzlet said...

You will miss the mushy gushy new born stage. There is nothing like it. I am glad you are enjoying every moment. OTOH each stage is more fun than the last. Just when you think it can not get any better they hit a new phase and it is FUN, it is AMAZING!

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