my journey through the loss of my first son and the life of my second

Friday, July 29, 2011

depth

There is a depth of love and devotion to this little boy that I could not have imagined. My title as mommy is the most important I have ever held.

Yesterday Ian had his first round of shots. He weighed in at 12 lbs 9 oz, making him in the 90th percentile. I am so glad to have him growing healthy and strong! After a short visit with the doctor the nurse came in with the shots. My poor little guy screamed. And they have to poke them 3 times at the 2 month shots...UGH!!! Ian and I went to work after I could tell he just wasn't his normal self. He didn't want to nurse, he didn't want to really sleep, and he felt warm to me. I left early and stopped and got him some tylenol. We got home and the little guy was just so lethargic. I laid him in his crib and he just cried until I picked him back up. I nursed him in the bed with me and went to lay him down beside me and he cried until I picked him up again. We drifted off to sleep together with him on my chest. He wanted his mommy. Me. The mommy. I never thought it would be...I never thought I would be lucky enough. But, I am here. He is mine. I thank God every single day for him. I can't really put into words the love I feel for this little boy. I cried as I realized he just needed his mommy.

Two nights ago I looked through the pictures from the day Trent was born. I cried and cried. I was up until 3am just crying. I held Ian a little closer when he woke to nurse...remembering just how precious life really is. On that day he needed his mommy to live...to carry on...to move forward.

In 9 short weeks we have transformed from Ken and Trisha to a little family. We are now Ken, Trisha, and Ian. When I hold him close sometimes I feel so much love I swear my heart could burst. When I kiss his little head I feel complete. He has started to smile....but only at mommy and daddy so far. It melts my heart when he just looks up and me and gives me this big, gummy smile. His most smiley time is in the morning. It is my favorite part of the day...I love to just snuggle him and listen to him coo and talk to me. He just smiles...oh I can't even explain the joy it brings.

1 comments:

Terra said...

<3 <3 <3 So true, so beautiful!

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