my journey through the loss of my first son and the life of my second

Friday, March 30, 2012

joy comes in the morning

After Trent died I couldn't see past the pain. I could feel nothing but pain. It hurt so bad I could taste the pain.

But, my joy is back.

Psalm 30:5 says this, "For his anger lasts only a moment, but his favor lasts a lifetime! Weeping may last through the night, but joy comes with the morning."

I have NEVER been a morning person. I have needed coffee to get going in the morning since I was 18 or 19. I need that first cup in me before I even want to talk.

Ian wakes me up every single morning with a big, toothless grin. I love it. He is my joy.

I can feel him start to wake most mornings and open my eyes before he is fully awake. Some mornings he wants to nurse for a while before waking all the way up. Most mornings he sits right up and just grins. I wish I could put into words his grin. It melts me! Once he is up he is UP! He wakes up with more energy than I have all day! We normally lay in bed for 20 minutes or so and just giggle. He loves to play with my hair, he loves to kiss my face, he loves for me to tickle him. Those 20 minutes do more than my coffee ever has!! Once we are out of bed (daddy always leaves before we are up) Ian is all over the place! He is into everything. But, he makes me laugh every single morning. His little personality is really starting to take shape. He is the sweetest, funniest kid I know!

Every night I thank God for him and every morning I tell repeat that verse.

Two years ago I would not believe that I could feel the joy I have now! But, truly my joy comes every single morning.

God is so good. He has given me a boy that completes the longings of my heart to be a mommy on earth.

I love the mornings now. I love that before I have to face the day, before the lights turn on, before the emails are checked, before the coffee is poured...my son is grinning and kissing me.

There is no greater joy than what I get every morning with Ian.
 
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