my journey through the loss of my first son and the life of my second

Sunday, June 24, 2012

life goes on

Every day I marvel at the little person growing up before my eyes. I thank God for him a hundred times a day. Most days I can't believe he is mine. Lately, I have spent a lot of time wondering about the "why's" in this world. Why Trent? Why me? Why Ken? Why Ian? I know I will never fully understand the reasons Trent's time was so short. I will always wonder and hope. I do know that my sweet boy and his short life made me a better person. He made me understand love in a way I didn't know possible. I know he has touched more lives than I will ever understand.

 My sweet Ian has been through his share of trials!! This last surgery and hospital stay was awful! I had so many people tell me that God must have BIG plans for Ian! When I think about how hard we fought to get him here and how much he has endured his first year I am amazed! And, he is ALWAYS so happy! He is such a sweet natured boy. He laughs, plays, and melts my heart all day every day. I wonder what God has for him? I wonder where he will go. I wonder who he will become. I can't wait to watch. I pray every day that God will give me the guidance to raise him in such a way that is pleasing to Him. I want to teach him all there is to know! I want to show him how to be a loving, caring husband like Ken.

 Being a mom is a big job!! The moments I share with Ian are amazing. I love watching him learn and grow. I just pray I am doing it to God's glory.

 It has been almost 2 and a half years since I said goodbye to Trent. I really didn't believe life would ever go on. I didn't think I could ever have joy. But, Ian is here. I will always ache for my first...but my life has continued.


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