Would you change it all if you could? Would you go back and do it again? What if changing it meant you had to give up what you know now...what you have now. I can't imagine life without Ian. And the sad truth is I can no longer imagine life with Trent. Because I don't get to. I don't get the chance. I want to change it. I want a different story. I want to be who I was. The girl before my son died. I want to be ER again. Or do I? Do I really? I loved Trent with every ounce of my soul while he was alive. I still love him. His life and death changed me. Changed every single thing about me. Ian changed me in so many other ways. Trent's death redefined my life. Everything changed. The way I looked at the world, the way I moved in he world, the way I walked in the world. All of it. So, the question remains would I change it if i could? If it meant I could keep both of my boys, yes. Would you?
I am married to an amazing man. We have two sons together, Trenton James, our sweet first born was born too early due to my incompetent cervix. We had 22 minutes this side of heaven with him. I ache for him but, I know the next time I see him I will never have to say good bye. Our miracle baby was born on May 23, 2011. Ian James was born full term thanks to a cerclage placed early in pregnancy. He is a joy!