I am 20 weeks pregnant with my 3rd precious one tomorrow. 20 weeks! 20 weeks is a scary time for me. I was admitted to the hospital with Trent at 20 weeks and 5 days. He was born at 21 weeks and 3 days. A woman with an incompetent cervix, like myself, will generally go into preterm labor with little to no signs somewhere between 18-24 weeks. The chance of survival for a baby born that early is zero. I am nervous. NOTHING like the nerves I was feeling with Ian's pregnancy. I would sob into the phone to my mom. I remember one night she told me, "maybe just one glass of wine tonight would help."
I remember laying in bed night after night BEGGING God to let me keep Ian. I would sob and sob. I would plan his funeral. I would plan how I would tell my family that I lost another one. But, that wasn't my story. Ian came into this world perfect and living!
This pregnancy is not nearly as difficult for me. Yes, I still am throwing up almost every single morning. (I was not sick this long with either boy!) Yes, my blood pressure is giving me some issues. Yes, I am still high risk. BUT, I have a precious baby boy snoring next to me.
I didn't know my babies could live during Ian's pregnancy. An incompetent cervix is a death sentence without a cerclage. I have come to know many, many woman who have lost one, two, three precious children before a doctor would agree to place a cerclage during pregnancy. There is no "cure" for an incompetent cervix. I will always have it. But, thank the Lord there is a fix during pregnancy. My cerclage has been in place for nearly six weeks with no trouble.
This pregnancy I lay in bed and worry about how I will juggle two car seats, how I will be able to nurse two babies (since Ian sees no need to wean), how I will ever get enough sleep, how I will ever love another baby as much as I love Ian. And, there are the nights that creep in that I wonder what it would be like to have all three of them.
The next four weeks are a scary time. My nurse calls them the "danger" weeks. I am trusting God, my cerclage, and the weekly injections of 17p to keep this little one safe and sound.
a magical moment
3 days ago